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| "Metamorphosis" by Lucie Ondruskova |
Change sucks. At least for me. At least recently. In my absence from blogging the changes that have happened are too ludicrous to comprehend. If I were to list them ALL here? You'd think I were insane (I'm nearly there), I were exaggerating (I'm not) or just flat out making shit up (I wish my imagination were so grand!). No, No it's all happened since my last post. Pick an area and it's been crazied with. See, I live on that proverbial fence, always balancing, always looking at both sides - ask anyone with migraines and I guarantee this is a common "quirk". Seeing both sides of the story, no matter which side you may agree with = headache. I sway between not wanting to "worry" people and wanting to really fucking bitch about the shit that's happening to me. Ya know? Balancing between being grateful for what I do have but being just sort of a little pissed about just how off all the other stuff has gone. Ever get like that? Ever feel like you want to say "Yes, Yes It does really suck that this is happening and I am really pissed and I am really worried and I am losing sleep and I don't know what the future will bring and I am tired of putting up the front." For just a second. Don't you ever? Cause right now? I do and honestly even as I write this, I feel guilty. Guilty that my beautiful children are healthy and asleep up in their beds. Guilty that I have a home - barely. But I do. That's me. On my fence. Sticking me up my ass this fence is.
Like I said on my FB page. At the end of the day, when I look in the mirror...I think. Girl, you don't have a case of spreading yourself too thin, you've got stress obesity.
I know that if I didn't have a sense of humor I'd be done in. I know that if I didn't have my kids, I'd be done in too. As my Mom would say "This I know".
Did you like the seesaw as a child? Do you even know WTF I'm talking about? Because playgrounds today don't have them, at least not around here. Balance. It was fun NOT to find a balance on them right? You'd kick off and the other person would go down and they'd kick off, etc. etc. up and down, up and down.. HEY! Maybe I'm NOT on a fence after all, maybe I've been on a seesaw all this time! No, that wouldn't make sense, I'd need someone on the other end..never mind.
As always, pieces of songs are in my head, so I'll leave you with this one from Starhawk.
She changes everything She touches,
And everything She touches changes.
She changes everything She touches,
And everything She touches changes.
Her name can not be spoken,
Her face was not forgotten;
Her power is to open,
Her promise can never be broken.
All seeds She deeply buries,
She weaves the thread of seasons;
Her secret, darkness carries,
She loves beyond all reason.
All sleeping seeds She wakens,
The rainbow is Her token;
Now Winter Power is taken,
In love all chains are broken.
Everything lost is found again,
In a new form, in a new way;
Everything hurt is healed again,
In a new time, in a new day.
Bright as a flower and strong as a tree,
With our love and with our light;
Breaking our chains so we can be free,
With our love and with our light.
We are changers,
Everything we touch can change.
We are changers,
Everything we touch can change.
Change is, touch is,
Touch is, change is.
Change us, touch us,
Touch us change us.
She changes everything she touches and
everything she touches, changes
She
changes everything she touches and
everything she touches, changes
Change
is, touch is; touch is, change is.
Change us, touch us; touch us, change
us.
We are changers;
everything we touch can change.
We are
changers;
everything we touch can change.
- Starhawk
